I have heard the messages, and they’re not entirely wrong:
- Stay in the castle.
- Wait for Mr. Right.
- Prepare yourself, and God will bring a husband to you.
- Be like Ruth. She did the right thing, and Boaz showed up.
But, Boaz doesn’t always show up.
And that’s okay.
The way I read my Bible, I see two clear paths for both men and women. There are a lot of single people in God’s will, and there are a lot of married people.
The Apostle Paul—always a single man—wrote, He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord: But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife. Statement of fact. There are two roles. The will of God for Paul was singleness, but there are two clear paths and two different lifestyles, both in the will of God.
Here, the same teaching is for women: There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband (1 Corinthians 7:32-34).
Since I write for women, we will talk about the second part. Single women are supposed to be conscious of and caring for the things of the Lord. How does she do that? She—like her married counterpart—gets to know God in salvation and in Christian growth and service. I honestly don’t see any difference between a single’s walk with God and a married woman’s.
The single woman also keeps herself holy (without sin) in body and spirit. Obviously, she’s supposed to be a virgin, and she’s to guard her body in holiness. I think it’s interesting that God adds “spirit” to this. It is very important.
How many singles do you know who have been waiting and waiting and waiting for their handsome prince to come—and each year that they wait, they are getting more and more anxious and bitter and antsy, looking out the window for him to show up—to no avail? Which makes them more anxious and bitter and antsy. It’s an ugly cycle.
This idea comes from false teaching—that everyone needs to be married—and from false expectations.
Waiting for Boaz is not a principle in the Word of God.
There, I’ve said it.
It simply isn’t God’s will (His best plan) for every woman to marry. This doesn’t mean He’s withholding something wonderful from you. This doesn’t mean you’re missing out.
Let’s look back at 1 Corinthians 7:34, the last part: she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband. A single woman doesn’t have to live for the world. She doesn’t have to please a husband. Oh my!
Her purpose is to please God—like every Christian woman—and to keep herself pure—like every Christian woman.
The difference is the pleasing a man part.
Let that sink in.
A single woman frankly has more freedom. She doesn’t have to make dinner every evening if she doesn’t feel like it. Even though single women have to work and care for themselves, they don’t have to also please a roommate.
I’ve been married over 41 years now and happily so. I know a few things about marriage. But, I’ve also learned that God has designed two happy lifestyles for Christians, and they are both full and satisfying and wonderful.
Read your Bible. Make a collection in your mind of all the singles in the Bible with very satisfying lives. Make a list, if you want. Which ones were always sad and bitter? What was their problem?
How can you live a victorious life?
Look to the Lord.
Enjoy your life.
Trust … in the living God, who giveth us richly all things to enjoy (Paul, to Timothy—both were single men—from 1 Timothy 6:17).
May God bless you.