When I was a college student there were all kinds of jokes about the scarcity of good men. I’ll refrain from sharing them, because they weren’t kind. To be fair, there were a lot of excellent men on our Christian campus. Many of those men are still faithfully serving God and have proven that their faith hasn’t wavered over the years. Some are already with the Lord, and other guys didn’t follow God at all. It is the way things shake out wherever you are.
Unfortunately, good men and good women sometimes get overlooked and unnoticed.
There are several reasons:
- They tend not to be as flashy as modern, trendy people.
- A good man is serious and hardworking. This means he is busy and not out socializing.
- Good means godly. And, godly means his values are biblical. His number one goal is to please the Lord. He’s not looking for silly entertainment.
It is hard to find a good man.
He is disciplined in his mind and interests. This guy usually isn’t the big man on campus or a social butterfly. He isn’t even the star in Christian circles. The good man is Christlike—and that means humble, sweet, and gentle. He’s the guy who flies under many girls’ radar.
If you are a young woman, don’t despair. There are still wonderful Christian men out there, but they might not be the ones you are noticing.
So, what should you look for? Let me qualify that. I don’t believe good women go on the prowl, looking for a man. A good woman lets the Lord guide their meeting. In the Bible, you never see a good woman out looking.
But, there is nothing wrong with keeping one’s eyes open.
A good man:
- Loves God with all his heart, mind, and soul. This means he refrains from activities that don’t please God. It also means that he is faithful to his church and active in ministry. How can you meet a good man? Love God yourself. Refrain from displeasing the Lord, and be active and faithful in your local church. (Interestingly, both of our children met their future spouses in church.) Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind (Matthew 22:37).
- Loves people. This means that a good man thinks of others first. If you notice that a guy is all about himself, he has a problem with pride. This is a red flag. He will never treat you right, if he doesn’t put others before himself. And the second (commandment) is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself (Matthew 22:39).
- Works hard. A man who works hard accomplishes things. Lazy is not good. Period. For even when we were with you, this we commanded you, that if any would not work, neither should he eat (2 Thessalonians 3:10).
- Is faithful. This guy is faithful to the Lord and will be faithful to you. Moreover it is required in stewards, that a man be found faithful (1 Corinthians 4:2).
- Might have some quirks. Every person on the planet has a few goofy things about him, and a good man is no different. Is this a quirk or a character flaw? Decide how important it is to you. For example, biting one’s fingernails is not a character flaw. Slapping is. Discern the difference.
- May not be the most gorgeous thing you ever saw. Most of the godly men I have met over the years were normal looking. Very few have been extremely handsome. Beauty of character, though, runs all the way through a person. Facial beauty is only skin. Look past the skin and appreciate the smile.
Good men are attracted to—ready for this?—good women. Yes, of course, a girl needs to take care of herself to get anyone’s attention, but a woman who loves God and loves others will attract good men. A beautiful smile is the most attractive thing there is.
Many years ago, a young man was talking to my husband and me about several of the women he had met and liked. Do you know why he crossed some of them off his list? Immodest dress. Why did that matter? Because he wanted to serve God, and he felt that the women’s clothing choices might hinder a ministry together. He wanted his future wife to be an example for other women.
Women can and should try to look nice. A friend’s mother used to say, “There’s no such thing as an ugly woman, only women who don’t take care of themselves.” Case in point: have you ever seen supermodels before and after make-up and hair? Shocking.
To be sure, the Bible doesn’t say we have to do stuff to ourselves, but we are told to look like godly women. In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array; But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works (1 Timothy 2:9-10). How do godly women dress where you live? Do you command respect when someone looks at you?
Much more important—as our grandparents used to tell us—is what goes on inside. “Pretty is as pretty does.” “The most important thing is what’s inside a person.” God says that’s true. The godly woman is beautiful because of her attitudes and good works. God describes the ideal “Virtuous Woman” like this: Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised (Proverbs 31: 25-26, 30).
See how godliness, actions, and beauty are intertwined? We find this all through the Bible. Remember Rebekah? She was beautiful and kind to people and animals. I often wonder how much water she drew in order to water those camels.
Where are the good men? Serving God, in church, and studying and working hard.
How can you be attractive to a good man? Be a good woman.
By the way, I absolutely do not believe that it’s God’s will for every woman or man to marry. The New Testament makes it plain that there are two ways God leads men and women: single and married. But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife. There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband (1 Corinthians 7:33-34). The Lord lets a godly man or woman know if it’s right for him to marry—and it might even be later in life.
Singleness is a blessing, just as marriage is a blessing. God leads different people in different ways, and we should embrace the clear leading of the Lord.
For more on singles, you might enjoy reading: “Singleness: Can it really be God’s best?” here.