Guest post: Plucker Behaviors 2

Not long ago, I published the first three “plucker” behaviors. (You may access that first installment, here.) I’m sure you enjoyed them. The word plucker was inspired by Proverbs 14:1: Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands. Of course, no one wants to be a plucker.

Thank you, Charity Woon, for sharing these thoughtful ideas with my readers.

Plucker Behavior #4: Having a chihuahua attitude

When I was younger, we had two chihuahuas. One was black and one was white. The black one was grouchy and easily set off. Even the smallest things made her snarl and growl. The white one wasn’t quite as moody, but she was an ankle biter. When someone was walking, she would sneak up behind them and nip at their heels.

Proverbs 21:9 says, It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house. A brawling woman is contentious, moody, angry, ankle-biting, nagging, and demanding.

Some people hated coming to our house because of our “brawling” dogs. They didn’t like our ankle-biter following them down the sidewalk.

Imagine being a husband who has to come home to a wife who is easily stirred up and set off. Imagine living with an ankle-biting nag. It’s enough to make a husband dread going home after work.

I must admit there have been times when my temper flared up. Sometimes, I am easily set off. Ugh.

Builder wives have gentle natures and aren’t easily stirred up. They handle frustration and disagreements in a more constructive manner. They have learned to communicate in a healthy way.

1 Peter 3:4, But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.

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Plucker Behavior #5: Giving him a heart attack


Proverbs 31:11 says, The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.

Our husbands should be able to trust us better than any other person. They should be able to come to us with their deepest secrets without fear of judgment, ridicule, or gossip. Those are plucker behaviors that attack his heart.

My husband sometimes comes to me expressing a weakness. He makes himself vulnerable. He feels free to do that because I’ve gained his trust and have his heart. The worst thing I could do is damage that trust by making myself his judge.

How do I build his trust? It’s little decisions every day. I keep our discussions private. I decide to encourage him and lift him up when he trips. I decide to forgive him. I focus and brag on his strengths instead of his weaknesses. I decide to make myself open and vulnerable to him, too.

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To be honest, I don’t struggle with some plucker behaviors. Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands (Proverbs 14:1). But, there are others I seem to master.

Plucker Behavior #6: Being in it to win it

A wise woman once told me, “If you fight to win, your husband will walk away injured and bruised. Is that really what you want?”

All marriages have their arguments, and if you are in it to win it in those arguments, both of you lose. If your goal is to understand each other, to listen to each other and come to a compromise, you both walk away blessed. You draw closer together even through disagreements. You try to see things from the other person’s perspective. You respect his thoughts and opinions. That will make you guard your tongue. That will keep you from attacking with name-calling, sarcasm, and hurtful words.

Proverbs 31:26 says, She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.

Guest post: Pluckers!

My friend, Charity Woon, wrote some encouraging posts for women. I liked them so much that I asked her for permission to share them as guest posts with you. They’re based on this verse and go well with my series on Proverbs. Of course, we want to be builders, not “pluckers.” Enjoy!

Proverbs 14:1, Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.

Really… I don’t want to be a plucker….

But there are behaviors we women do that come so easily to us, and they damage our marriage relationship. For example:

Plucker Behavior #1: Competing with my husband

I’m not talking about a friendly game of Uno. I’m talking about the need to prove I am better than him at things: speaking, time management, leadership, planning, packing, driving….

Pride motivates our need to be recognized for our abilities. We belittle others and exalt our superiority. We point out their faults and weaknesses—areas we thrive in. But our home isn’t corporate America. We aren’t clawing to the top of the ladder. Competition between a husband and wife damages. We aren’t competing. We’re supposed to be helping each other. We are supposed to be lifting each other up. This world tears my husband down enough on its own without me joining the wrecking crew. I don’t need to point out his weaknesses—and certainly not publicly!

So what if I am a better planner or speaker or whatever? If I want to be a plucker, I will make sure he knows about it often. But if I am a builder, I will be his biggest cheerleader in his areas of strength as well as when he grows in his areas of weakness.

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Some behaviors seem harmless, but they can weaken a marriage one small piece at a time.

Plucker Behavior #2: Dressing nicely for everyone except hubby

Isn’t it funny how, before marriage, we wanted to look our best every time we were going to see our sweetheart, but then after marriage we run around all day in pjs or sweatpants, no makeup, hair a disaster … until we need to go out somewhere? What message does that send? Do we now need to look nice for everyone except our husband?

One day I put this to the test. I had nowhere I needed to go, but I got up and got dressed nicely. It was nothing fancy, but it was nice enough that I would feel pretty while still being able to get things done in the house. I put on a little makeup and fixed my hair. Did my husband notice?

“What are you all dressed up for? You going somewhere?”

“Nope. Just wanted to look nice for you.”

It was already programmed in his mind that I only look nice when I go somewhere—not for him.

“You look nice.” Yes, he noticed, and it mattered.

I had sent him a new message, a new way of thinking. He is the one I need to look nice for, not the people at the grocery store. Getting dressed each day even if I am not going anywhere let’s him know I still want to capture his attention. He is worth a little extra effort.

So, for whom are we trying to look nice?

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Plucker Behavior #3: Frivolous spending and discontentment

I remember one day my hubby came home from work. When we sat down to talk, he began thanking me.

“I just really appreciate that you aren’t high maintenance.”

Then, he began explaining how some guys at his workplace were talking amongst themselves about how their wives spent money frivolously, wanted expensive trinkets and luxuries for birthdays and Christmas, were often shopping for new clothes and spending lots of money on beauty parlor services, and would settle for nothing less than nice cars, nice houses, and more. The husbands complained about working so hard to make a paycheck only to have their wives blow it. One man turned to my hubby, expecting him to join in on the wife-bashing huddle.

“You know what I mean?” he asked.

“No. No, I don’t.” At that moment my husband realized how much he really treasured my tight-wad, penny-pincher nature.

“You are so content with what you have, and it felt good to tell them how virtuous you are.” Apparently the wife-bashing session stopped with his praise.

Honestly, it felt great to hear my hubby had bragged on me to his coworkers, but there was also a part of me that was grieved for those marriages. It’s never … never ever … justified for a husband to talk badly about his wife, but these wives didn’t realize how their materialism and discontentment were impacting their marriages.

Finances are one of the biggest issues in a marriage, and disagreements on money are a major contributor to divorce. If you want to be a builder instead of a plucker, give your hubby a reason to praise you in the area of finances instead of reason to complain.

Proverbs 31:28, Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.

Is your appetite whetted yet? Thank you, Charity, for allowing me to share your Plucker Behavior challenges with my friends. Readers, stay tuned. Look for more Pluckers guest posts in the future. Charity Woon has written several books, sold on Amazon.